Be still & know that I am God.
This simple phrase has been a mantra for me recently.
Stillness is not something in my vocabulary. Blame it on being ADD or multi-tasking all day or smart phone addiction, but even when sitting still, my mind is going full speed and my leg is constantly moving (much to the annoyance of my wonderful bride).
Over the last 6 months, I have taken up the practice of yoga. I have spent most Wednesday from 7:15 to 8:30 at my local gym in a Yin Yoga class. In Yin, the point is not moving through 120 positions but spending 5-10 minutes in 6-7 positions, in stillness and contemplation, and focusing on breathing. It’s in those moments that I have learned to ‘be.’
My whole identity has been wrapped up in ‘doing’ and being the best ‘doer’ in whatever I chose to do. So as a father, I was always trying to push for my vision of ‘doing’ for my kids. As a husband, I have unfairly viewed marriage as an activity rather than a state of grace & being, putting undue pressure on my wonderful wife. As a deacon & pastor, I have given myself fully to ministry while losing God (& the awareness of who I am with Him) in the midst of it all.
And yet, I am still in the midst of it all I keep hearing- be still & know that I am God.
Be. Just be.
Giving up the Performance mentality has been the hardest thing I think I’ve done in my life. I was trying so hard to be the best at everything and ended up somehow not doing well at one thing. So I am starting over and even in my furnace of doubt, trying to be.