Over the past few months, I have been in the midst of a journey through a dark night of the soul. I had come to the realization through hard conversations and many tears that I had been pursuing goals that had put me at enmity with those closest to me and had begun to consume my every thought and desire. I had become Golem pursuing ‘My Precious’ instead of a servant and lover to God, my wife, and my family. That is why I laid down the the pursuit of the priesthood and that’s also why I’ve resigned as curate at Resurrection effective Christmas. I love Resurrection, but I know that I cannot fully rest there after having carried (a self-imposed) guiltiness about not doing enough to serve. I will state it clearly- there is no negative feelings towards Resurrection, it’s leadership, or it’s people or any misconduct on my part that is bringing this change. We, my family and I, are just in need of a clean slate where we can learn to both worship and sabbath again.
My focus on this next year is to become the best version of me I can be– not some ideal version but a true, in-the-flesh, version of me. I want to be both holy and whole. I want to learn to surrender my will, my desires, my wants, and my needs into the loving embrace of Jesus. What this journey, this pilgrimage, looks like from this point forward is up in the air, but I am thankful that I see a pin-prick of light in what has been darkness for way too long.
With as much grace & peace I can muster,