Today, I have been meditating on the words of St. Paul found in Colossians chapter 1, verses 15-20:
15 He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation; 16 for in him all things in heaven and on earth were created, things visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or powers—all things have been created through him and for him. 17 He himself is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18 He is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that he might come to have first place in everything.19 For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, 20 and through him God was pleased to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, by making peace through the blood of his cross.
Reconciliation or recapitulation of all things.
To be honest, I am vastly angry with God right now. I am not reconciled with him and have no desire at this time. My prayer life consists of lament and anger. The death of many dreams and desires has occurred in the last few weeks. Things I had worked for my entire life and had always seen as my goal. But I guess that’s what it is like with the destroying of idols. You think they are the real thing, but truly, they are not. So I allowed God to take them, unwillingly, and like the story of Abraham destroying his father’s idols, I have given the reins in faith to Him.
These dreams and desires and callings are:
Destroyed. Stomped on. Dead.
And my prayer, through the panic, tears, and pain is this:
Dear Great Reconciler, I need you to reconcile with me. Bring me back to wholeness. Restore to me the joy of my salvation.