More Thoughts on Woundedness

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Since starting my sabbatical (all 3 days so far), I’ve asked God to reveal to me (and my group of confidantes traveling this with me) the depth of my woundedness.  This has caused me to become a very vulnerable person, opening up my deepest thoughts and insecurities for these people, whom I love and trust, to see out in the light.  This process has been very scary to me because vulnerability is not something I am very comfortable with (and well, who is).  What is coming to light is that my woundedness is deeper than I thought and that my strength has relied on the pain of the woundedness to keep me moving and going.

This morning, this article was mentioned in something I was reading, and so I clicked over and read it.  It starts with this quote:

We come unbidden into this life, and if we are lucky, we find a purpose beyond starvation, misery, and early death which, lest we forget, is the common lot. I grew up and I found my purpose and it was to become a physician. My intent wasn’t to save the world as much as to heal myself. Few doctors will admit this, certainly not young ones, but subconsciously, in entering the profession, we must believe that ministering to others will heal our woundedness. And it can. But it can also deepen the wound.
I think as much as this is true for physicians and psychiatrists, this is true for those in ministry.  Subconsciously, I desire for my wounds to be healed and I believe that service was the answer to that desire.  And yes, I know that we all serve out of our woundedness, but when it replaces God’s grace as our strength, it becomes an idol and worse, makes the wound deeper and more infected.  Doctor’s are the worst patients, or so they say, and those ordained are the worst for following their own advice they dispense every week.

I am learning self-care.  It’s needed.  Please continue to pray for me as I continue my pilgrimage.

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